Steel rods; intertwined,
Clasping tight the deep chambers of my thoughts.

Inseparable are those coils,
Numerous are they in number, quite tangled.

Futile are my faint attempts;
They refuse to untangle, but clasped in tighter.

Desperate, tired, but determined to uncoil;
They find joy in bearing witness to my panic.

I look around and find similar coils everywhere,
Worn out hands struggling to untie those knots.

Some harder, more coiled than others;
But each intricate in their own ways.

Probing for a way to vent out the breathlessness,
I took assistance from a friend- quite efficient.

As I bled blue on to the white stretch of a levelled sheet,
I felt myself uncoil! I felt myself breathe!

Blocked! Locked and shunned!

There’s no deadline, but lines leading to death.

Many shielded, unyielded still, waiting for it all to be over.

Through the bowels of hell, moves a citizenry dreading the barbarity of an incompetent chief.

A banana republic so devoid of action and confidence, yet dire scavenging for reasons to unguilt and escape;

Know not anybody- what is to become of this country!

Question the Chief and you know what you get! Nothing but your freedom cut back, your life set back!

Useless it is to wait in hope, for the army lacks tactics to get its people out of this labyrinth.

They pretend yet to possess a laid out plan for survival.

Another class! They brawl- the ‘servants’, with all their might to keep it together, to find a solution.

The brawlers they are- going out, staying in, helping out, checking in and what not- they rest not, no matter what!

Away from their loved ones, they brawl to keep us safe.

Nothing but gratitude and remorse filled with pity as the Chief and his army have failed them.

Join in solidarity with the brawlers for a happy return to bright outdoors adorned with cool breezes and playful laughter!

Last night, before going to bed, I was watching a drama series on Netflix called CROWN. It deals primarily with the life of Queen Elizabeth the Second, of England along with a mesmerising portrayal of the British monarchy and it’s ways of conduct. I was on episode 8 of Season 3 which was titled ‘The Dangling Man,’ and it culminated displaying the death of the Duke of Windsor, Edward the Eighth. For those of you who do not know, he was a former King of England who abdicated upon his decision to marry Wallis Simpson, against the will of his family and the Parliamentary establishment.

From the start, his character is depicted as a man caught between his obligations as a former King, being a member of the Royal Family and his love for Wallis Simpson. He had to live in exile for the rest of his life following the abdication, as he was asked not to return to England. He was always greeted with a great deal of hostility, be it from his family or his subjects. He was blamed for the untimely ailment and death of King George the Sixth, his younger brother, who was forced to accept the throne because he was the next in line to be the heir.

I groomed this blog with some background details so as to effectively describe the thoughts that kept haunting me all through the night. From the beginning, I had a mixed emotion when I looked at this character. He is portrayed as a self- centred person who is often seen partying with his wife and friends without a care in the world, when in England, there was a young Queen, recently crowned, who was apprehensive of her abilities and was struggling with her liabilities. But, the series did not fail to showcase the gloomy thoughts of repentance and regret that lurked in the corner of the Duke’s thoughts even amidst all these celebrations.

In this particular episode, he is seen in his last moments trying to guide Charles, the Prince of Wales who is to follow his mother to the throne. It explained how the British establishment branded a man who showed individualism as a rebel and a threat to the age old complying nature of the Crown. It had me wondering about how a Crown on your head doesn’t always mean independence or freedom of opinion. Many a time, the Queen is also shown to be experiencing a similar conundrum. The old and sick character of the Duke, who had his final meeting with the Queen, whom he jokingly called ‘Shirley Temple’, asked her for her forgiveness when the Queen reiterated how thankful she was for giving her an opportunity to realize her true potential and power.

I just wanted to say that whenever you think of skipping a dream or a goal or a little piece of your thought that contributes to the making of who you really are, just picture yourself old and wrinkled like the Duke, laying all tired, waiting for your peaceful passing. (P.S: I’m aware that it’s not a pleasant advice!) The Duke’s decisions might have had it’s positive and negative consequences of which I’m nobody to judge. But, the picturization of his death scene ignited this little thought in me. If you are not able to see yourself in such a scenario without even the slightest regret creeping up your mind, no fear of judgements or ‘abdications’ are worth stopping you from going for your desires. In the end, there’s only you and your thoughts. If you want to rest in peace, you ought to live and leave in peace!

I saw a tree dancing to the breeze outside my window; did it curve its trunk into a question mark?

I saw a cloud wafting drearily in the azure sky; did it rearrange itself into a question mark?

I saw an old pedestrian stooping low struggling with his steps; did his body shrink into a question mark?

I saw a baby asleep on her bed peaceful and crouched; did she remind me of another question mark?

I saw an overwhelmed me in the mirror with my soul jutting out from behind the head, too tired to figure out a way ahead.

Guess what! It showed me a question mark.

My soul beamed bright, like a full moon on a grotesque night adorning an eerie shape of a question mark embossed heavily on its unruffled facet.

Yes, I saw a question mark and yes, I fancy an answer!

“A match made in heaven”

This is a cliché quote seen on most wedding cards and ‘save the date’ promo videos. The Indian system of marriage hardly calls for such a blissful caption which is, in fact, built on vanity and a crafted sense of superiority that rules the minds of people without them actually being aware of it.

‘Superiority’ is what requires a close look in this context. Majority of the human beings stand proudly for equality and believe in oneness of all fellow beings regardless of their gender, caste, religion, region, etc. How does this shatter so hard into very sharp slivers capable of creating hatred and trauma as soon as it comes in the domain of marriage?

People have preferences when it comes to selecting their life partners. So do their parents. So do their relatives. So do their society. It’s funny how individual preference just drown helplessly in most cases and usually it’s the last of the list- ‘the society’ that wins.

Everything is set by the society. The suitable age, the preferred bride or groom to be, the accepted conduct of the ceremony, the appropriate time of pregnancy and what not! The ones to get married, their parents and the family become mere puppets in this drama. How is this set?

It’s years of conditioning into making people attribute standards for themselves and others. It’s magically subtle and surprisingly outright simultaneously. Most people don’t even realize that they are manipulated into this process of assigning levels of superiority and inferiority. As soon as a prospect of marriage comes into play, let’s say, the family of the bride, starts assigning their own worth in the society and then the worth of the proposals that have come by. The question of importance is not whether the bride and the groom find it compatible to love and live with each other for the rest of their lives, but it’s whether the match is in par with their societal standards and the very irritating and degrading question, “what will the society say?”

Sadly, our parents, who kept teaching us about the importance of being humble and treating others equally become the worst examples of the most prejudiced and judgemental beings without even getting to know the other people. They have a reputation to uphold and it seems this outweighs the mental peace and individualism of their own sons and daughters. Most of them don’t even realize where this leaves their children!!

Imagine, after a prolonged period of their education, struggling to meet another set of educational standards set by the society, they come out into various occupations hoping to secure a position in their field of interest and then boom! The marriage truck hits hard leaving them in a big pool of trauma. It’s unsettling. They need to turn into rebels to voice their opinions to their own families. Parents rant about how it was difficult for them and they were just fine dealing with it. Well, a lot of things have changed and are still in transformation and this generation is trying hard to come into terms with these sudden twists. Most of their childhood principles just don’t work in their adulthood because it’s all different. It’s a major shift and there’s no denying it.

To the parents reading this, all this generation wants is to be able to talk to you people without the fear of judgement and a mental smack down. Just let them be and invest in their happiness rather than in their big fat weddings, most of which, as we see in the day- to- day news, end up either in one leaving or killing the other! Let’s just say, blessed are those who live in an alternative reality.

The greyish traces of spiking facial hair disturbed me. Whatever I did, it wouldn’t entirely come off!!
“It looked really odd with this elegant saree and my lovely jewellery”, I sighed, twisting and turning my body facing the mirror.
“Ughh, even makeup doesn’t cover it”, I exclaimed.
I shifted my focus from my face to my well- carved body. I must say, I’m pretty appealing and couldn’t stop marvelling at that saree hugging my body embossing all my curves and dents.
“Stop gawking at yourself”, shouted Radha from the door. “Enough, everybody’s waiting downstairs. We need to go. The shops are all open”.
I turned around and scrutinized Radha’s face only to find darker and distinct greyish spots of bristle- like facial hair.
“What the hell are you looking at. Dhayabhai is fuming already. I’m going.”
With that Radha hurried downstairs and I followed her too dejected to stay and get further primed.
As I reached the main door, I could hear Dhayabhai shouting at the top of her voice at the others and so I quietly slipped in with all of them.
“Go sing and dance in every shop. Leave none. Don’t bother coming back without enough money.” The orders were clear and so we marched outside from the courtyard of our cramped shelter into the largely occupied streets of our town.
“The hijras are here!! Run! Run!!” The kids on the roads shouted. One among them tripped on another’s shoe and fell face down. He got up ashamed and continued running.
We laughed our hearts out as we went on to the shops nearby singing, dancing and begging for money!

With a lot going around in the world, I still hadn’t had the slightest clue as to what I would write in my next blog. Deciding a topic and then working on it didn’t seem fair because we know that’s not how this works. Today, I woke up after a siesta hearing about the disturbing news of the young Bollywood actor, Sushant Singh Rajput’s suicide- least expected!

Each day, when we think the year 2020 couldn’t get any worse, it puts something before us shattering the rays of hope onto which we base our survival. As mankind tries to wade through one of the biggest tempests of unending heaps of protests, hashtags, diseases, killings, suicides and what not, reasons to hold on seems to be thinning and all struggles futile. There are more reasons to give up than to try harder and this is the case, not just in scattered regions, but all around the globe.

Negativity resides in each letter of this piece of writing so far and I find it necessary than putting a positive spin on things. It’s only in the knowledge of negativity that any positivity can sprout. People are going through a tough time and it is important that we pay more attention to mental health and ourselves rather than trying to fit into the expectations of others.

‘Quarantine’, a word that really caught up in the time of the Covid crisis seems to be hitting different people in different ways. It now calls for productivity!! How did you spend your quarantine? The question is simple enough; but one wouldn’t believe the struggles people put into convincing the ‘others’ that they are up to something productive and would come out well equipped into a covid- free world in flying colours. If not, they say “it was not lack of time that was holding you back, but laziness and inability”. It’s simple, they JUDGE!!

We fear judgements. Who doesn’t judge? Everybody, right from our parents to a complete stranger judges us. This phenomenon is demanding and when we fail to achieve them, we start doubting ourselves. We are never even given the right to be mentally unstable or depressed. The matter then in question is “What is it that you are so depressed about and why would you? You are fine. Stop overthinking!”

Mental health and depression is not a myth. It’s a fear of judgement, in most cases, that refrains a person from speaking about his worries and problems. It haunts them to a point at which they give up on themselves. It’s high time we accepted this condition as a serious health disorder and gave the right amount of attention and care.

I would like to end this here with the following question hanging around us and in ellipsis because this is not over; it’s a persistent phenomenon unless it’s rightly addressed:

“Would you rather be all ears to your loved ones, or attend their funerals with a heavy sigh…”

I must have jumped in to another time- a time obsolete, utterly devoid of all the ruckus around the continuing plague reluctant to loosen its clutches on the world.

Silence. The earth seemed abandoned, not a living being to be seen. Was it a simpler time or a preview of something even worse?

Well, I knew it in an instant as the silence broke in a thunderous explosion. Yes! I heard silence. It grew louder and louder till it deafened me. It dawned on me with an epiphany of how silence can mean high decibels of meaningless voids and the end of a catastrophe- the plague. It was definitely not a dreamy sight of a happy ending but a deserted war field where human beings and their proud intellectual faculties had been rendered inadequate in the wake of a virus attack.

It was over. But why was I there all alone to witness the disturbing emptiness and to hear this ear- breaking silence. Well, it was not just me! Behind me were a huge number of people clutching their heads so hard trying to escape the shrill piercing silence drilling into their ears.

My eyes flew open. Heavy silence still. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling fan all bewildered and confused. Dream it was!!

“Phew,” I said as all those troubling images slowly vanished from my mind.

Downstairs, I could hear my dad listening to the morning news about the government imposed quarantine measures being taken to contain the outbreak of the virus and how people were being light- headed and irresponsible in its handling.

The humanity is still fighting the war and how I wished people realized it’s consequences before it was too late. I wished they too heard the silence.

It’s a barricade. Dare to peek? You’ll fear the sights!

“You’ll fear the sights,” so they say from either sides. Don’t you dare to peek.

I say peek! We say peek!! Let’s all peek and take in the sights.

From either ends, let’s peek.

Let Trump peek! Let Modi peek! Let the slums of Gujarat peek!!

This is an invocation to quit being indifferent to the drama going on in this ‘once democratic’ country. Do not let consequences stop us from peeking beyond abstract meaningless barriers put up by a dim- witted government. If walls can be constructed over a night to masquerade truths, they can very well be torned down in the passing of another. No amount of bricks and cement can amalgamate to seal shut the enormous spirit through which India persists to exist as a unified nation. When the supposedly trusted rulers of our country put the very essence of democracy into test, it’s the call of the hour to prove our worth.

Any wall, overtime forms cracks and crevices which culminates in its absolute collapse. Therefore, do no hesitate to peek. Peek through the cracks and widen them till no more obstacles stand in our way of creating a youthful coherent country of harmony and endless possibilities.

Yes, India has slums. They are very much a part of this country and a possible paradise if mended with responsibility. Expose them to a better future rather than shutting them away in this country’s present state of pretence and vanity.

Find your passions

Well, that’s a lot of options

Leaving behind confusions!!!

The options are frustrations

Not ending in conclusions.

Getting rid of relaxations

And digging deeper through meditations,

Only way for sudden revelations

That change your life’s directions.

The world has nothing in its collections

For people lost in worthless actions

So step up in functional aggravations

To march ceaselessly in strong convictions

And print your paw dipped in burning passions.

To the n number of young people out there confused and very often ridiculed for not being able to decide what they want to do with their lives. It’s better late than never to find your true passion(s) and work wholeheartedly for its grand fulfillment. The number of opportunities to prove your worth, to yourself and nobody else, has blown wide open in the current world and it is quite overwhelming. Just do not let yourself be constrained to the time and age limits set by the society and you are good to go. Savour each moment of your life and that’s pretty much how you find out your interests and create in yourself the strong will to work for its end.